I’m Selfish #Poetry #ASMSG #SelfAwareness


Self-defense…

 

I learned it after the first few beatings

I wasn’t going to have another reason to ache

I listen for pitches in voice to change,

the posture of body,

the veins popping out in the neck.

 

Self-preservation…

 

I learned it after the first few times I was let down

I wasn’t going to have another reason to ache

I hold less stock in words than actions,

we teach people how to treat us,

and life isn’t a fucking bowl of cherries.

 

Self-awareness…

 

I learned it after the first few heart breaks

I wasn’t going to have another reason to ache

I discovered I love too easily,

I give too much,

and I no long am a butter fly that wishes to fly

 

Self…

Is the root word of selfish

 

If being self-aware leads to self-defense, which then leads to self-preservation makes me selfish…

I’m selfish!

 

by Penelope Jones copyright 2013

30 responses to “I’m Selfish #Poetry #ASMSG #SelfAwareness

  1. The unpleasent truth is beautifull constructed in this poem showing self preservation. You showed such clarity on the perspective that it left me crying. All to easily our emotions our trampled on intentionally or not. We need to be selfish at times to protect our heart.

    • I’m truly sorry you are crying my darling. I lovers you so very much for being my friend you have no idea. Thank you for always supporting me. I’m always here for you.

      Penelope Jones

      • It’s because of your story that you are such a truly wonderful person with a huge gorgeous heart. Your experiences shaped the wonderful person you are today. You are not a crazy bitch anyone who saw that is jealous and doesn’t see you for the heart of gold you have underneath all the giggles.

        TY for your sweet words your friendship means a lot. Ush- stupid tears. You are messing with me again I had a cute icon & now I’m back to the tree penis!

  2. oh darling. I’m both cheering and broke over this emotively resonating piece. We must always take care of our souls and that, I’m learning, is not selfish. It is essential. I wish I could hug you tight and soak up that pain. leaving behind the same knowledge if self but hopeful of the goodness in ppl. Love you. Xx

  3. Penny, even though I’m a guy, I know your story. I was a counsellor with the United Way in Charlotte for over three years. Having a criminal Justice and Law Enforcement degrees, I did it as a volunteer. I still hurt over some of the cases I was involved in. Thank God you stood firm, and took self defense course(s). I saw so many girls….many with children, go right back into an a busive situation…..no matter how much help offered. A LOT of gals took the help offered, and never looked back. I don’t know you as well as I do some folks, but I do know you deserve better…..all abused people deserve better….HUGZZZZZZZZZ

    • -hugs- Thank you! That means a lot to me. I’m thankful I grew up and moved out. The beatings weren’t from a lover, but we grow and become stronger from the lives we lived.

      We’re all survivors of some sort. 🙂 we all have a story! -even bigger hugs- thank you again for all the support you give and for every comment you make! You are the awesome!

      Penny

  4. I have read this poem over and over. Each time I get a more powerful sense of strength coming from your words. “Selfish” has a negative connotation but why is looking after your needs a bad thing? Putting yourself first is seen as selfish when really it is wise and sometimes essential. How can you be there for others if you leave yourself behind?

    I have observed my Mom struggle with and conquer her past of an abusive childhood. I am struck by women like her and you who despite that history have stayed true to themselves and risen so far above it. The inner strength, empathy and in your particular case joy and sparkly personality you radiate with is staggering and beautiful. I am humble by the fact that you share so much of yourself with us.

    xoxo

    • Wow now the two of you make me leaky! your comments were beautiful. I feel the exacts am way each time I read it means a bit more. You said it perfectly you have to take care of yourself to be there for others. It’s not selfish it’s self preservation.

      The poem continues to speak days later. Truly powerful.

    • Except so many think putting them first is the priority, but in order for them to even be in my life I must be selfish to survive. It’s a vicious circle it seems. XoXo

      • Yes that is the crux! I think people who truly love us and are our friends encourage, trust and facilitate us to put ourselves first when needed. They want that for us because they want the best for us. Those that can’t see the need for all of us to take care of our selves in an honest and respectful way are the true selfish ones and are a different kind of “friend.”
        There needs to be a way to delineate between the 2 versions of selfish. Selfish meaning “it’s all about me” and Selfish meaning “Self care and honoring self”
        I will admit I am the worst kind of selfish when it comes to dividing up the chocolate, often times I take the bigger piece!!!

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