My Granny is Better than Yours #SorryNotSorry

Today is my granny’s birthday, what better way to celebrate her life than to share my spoken word I read at her Funeral… From Sunrise 7/24/31 To Sunset 7/15/18



Let’s talk about how amazing my granny was…

She’s a woman that I’ve only heard use one curse word in my life, and it was Damn it, Ralph. That’s my grandpa, and I can still hear it in my head.

She’s a woman that thought smoking would make her look cool, but one puff and she was ok with not being a cool kid.

She’s a woman that’s never drank a drop in her life, and still had the best time anywhere she went.

My grandpa asked her to marry him on their first date over a ham and cheese sandwich!

My granny was a gorgeous woman, who never fell out of love with the dresses or heels from the 50’s & 60’s… wonder where I get it?

My grandpa was a looker but only had eyes for my granny! He showed me how a man should love his wife. Up until the day cancer stole him from us, he called her his bride! I can hear him say, “You see those pretty flowers I got my lovely bride?” And she blushed and always said, “Aw Ralph.” And was dreamy eyed for him!

My granny and grandpa always splurged and ate Long John Silvers on pay day!

My granny loves yellow roses… I had no idea until my aunt told me. Yellow is happy and probably why we both love it!

My granny learned to drive in her 50’s because my grandpa had a heart attack that left him wheel chair bound.

My grandpa did the majority of the grocery shopping, wrote the checks, etc. It was a progressive-ish household way back when! So she had a lot to learn after his heart attack.

My granny survived breast cancer, while taking care of my grandfather who was wheel chair bound. Yep, she’s freaking amazing!

My granny walked l5 miles when she was 8 months pregnant with my mom, because she just wanted to see her sister in law Virginia.

After my grandpa passed, my granny cared for Virginia, took her to doctors appointments, and they started going to Long John Silvers on pay day, until the day congestive heart failure took her from us.

My granny welcomed every friend I’ve ever had into her home. Fed us so many times, I couldn’t possibly do enough for her to repay the love she showed my friends.

My granny babysat my best friend’s kiddos so we could go raise money for LGBTQI things… we really were going to leather events, but she wasn’t ready for the info back then lol

My granny was my biggest supporter during my title year… she was finally ready to know what I do and that I’m queer. She didn’t care. To her love was love. She waited up many of Sunday nights to hear about my adventures, until she got sick… but she fought her butt off and kicked cancers that go around too.

My granny thinks I’m famous, and I never had the heart to tell her I’m a needle in a haystack.

My granny thought it was pretty awesome she was famous too, cuz apparently if I’m famous, so was she.

My granny was my best friend, my ally, my savior. You see, when I was 13 years old I tried to commit suicide. I had been sexually harassed all year at school by a terrible boy, and my supposed father was not going to make it to another one of my birthdays. And my parents were having a mother of a fight about me. They always fought about me. “I have to work, she costs too much to stay home.” My dad screamed at my mom.

The next day in my grandma’s bathroom I tried to slit my wrist. It’s a good thing I was too scared,13, and did it all wrong. My grandma and grandpa took me to the ER, paid the bill out of there own pocket and it was our secret for 29 years. It’s no longer a secret. But, I’m not the only person she saved, several in this room and many more consider her their saviors for one reason or another, because my granny rocked socks!

My granny was the strongest lady I’d ever met, and I hope my legacy is half of what she’s leaving us with… she was a true angel on earth and I might’ve had a crappy home life, but she made sure that wasn’t my only reality. She showed me what true love is.



Penelope Jones

Copyright July 2018 (don’t steal my shit without giving me credit; it’s very uncool!)

I love you Granny D!