Love Day Sucks #Poetry #ASMSG #Valentine

I woke up thinking it would be OK

then I realized just what everyone had to say

 

Happy Love Day…

 

Each time that word fell across my ears

Therapy bills piled up for years

 

I love you meant hitting your kids and wife

I love you meant giving up your life

 

I love you meant you weren’t good enough

I love you meant life was tough

 

I love you meant screwing someone else

I love you meant dealing with what was dealt

 

I love you meant not really caring

not really daring

to— love

 

 

My words might as well have been dead

When I said,

I love you …

 

It meant— I love you

 

It meant you were enough

I meant together we would be tough

 

It meant making love all night long

It meant “they were playing our song”

 

It meant I cared

It meant I dared

 

It meant my heart would be broken

It meant I would just be a token

 

to be given away

just like any other day,

and no I’m not OK.

 

Love Day sucks …

Fuck

 

Penelope Jones copyright 2013 

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I’m Selfish #Poetry #ASMSG #SelfAwareness

 

Self-awareness…

I learned it after the first few heart breaks

I wasn’t going to have another reason to ache

I discovered I love too easily,

I give too much,

and I no long am a butter fly that wishes to fly

 

Self-defense…

I learned it after the first few beatings

I wasn’t going to have another reason to ache

I listen for pitches in voice to change,

the posture of body,

the veins popping out in the neck.

 

Self-preservation…

I learned it after the first few times I was let down

I wasn’t going to have another reason to ache

I hold less stock in words than actions,

we teach people how to treat us,

and life isn’t a fucking bowl of cherries.

 

Self…

Is the root word of selfish …

 

If being self-aware leads to self-defense, which then leads to self-preservation makes me selfish…

 

I’m selfish!

 

 

by Penelope Jones copyright 2013