Christmas Eve Special Edition of Little Miss Notoriety’s Advice Column #ASMSG #Holidays #Advice #Christmas

  • Happy Holidays you lovely creatures. I hope you’re having a most scrumptious Christmas Eve. Thank you for joining me for this special edition of my advice column.  Tonight is all about how to survive your family during the Holiday Season… Ready? Get set? Go…

advice fail-owned-evacuation-fail

  • This advice can be used for so many thing during the holiday season… Let’s start with- if your mother asks you to look at the corn on her little toe. Run… fast and hard.  When your mother’s brother’s uncle tries to pry into your love life, because he’s a miserable drunk that can’t get laid. Run… and HIDE. He knows where you live.  When the 2 almost 3-year-old has pooped in his pants, because his parents won’t potty train him, but they didn’t want to hear the lecture of  “why is your kid still in diapers?” Run… before they ask you to help!  And last but certainly not least… When your lovely grandfather pulls out his false teeth and says. “Oh hunny bring me that glass.” Pretend you didn’t hear, and RUN!   I wish I had been given this advice.

Advice Insane

  • First you have twitter and in 140 characters or less you can have a rant over why you hate your family.  Then you have blogs like this, where you can express all that hatred through poetry, prose, or photos.  And last but not least… you got PORN! The internet is for Porn… The Internet is for Porn – Sesame Street Style! – YouTube

Advice Funny-Christmas-Someecards-2012

  • Right… well I’m not posting what I got myself, but I did purchase myself some fabulously naughty gifts and so did Joseph. I can’t wait to get back home to that pole!
  • So… that statement is true for giving as well as getting. Take my advice- Don’t be a spoiled rotten brat. If your 80-year-old granny gives you a pair of socks with cats on them, you put them bitches on and wear them like they are stylish! Don’t you hurt that woman’s feelings, or I will come and snatch you up and beat the tar out of you. And not in a fun spanky kinda way. Ask Bruce the Butcher what happens when you cross Little Miss Notoriety!
  • Mingle with your co-workers, it’s the only way to find out the dirt.  That is, if you’d like your pick of whom to fuck in town like me.
  • You get nothing, when you ask for nothing.  Remember this for future reference.  Nothing is just going to be handed over… Well unless you’re me, and then life just seems to keep overflowing with loveliness. Fuckdoll by day, and Dominatrix by night, I have the perfect life.

Advice Funny-Holiday-Cards

  • I  disagree.  Mistletoe should be hung with care, no matter where. Hah, I rhymed, Penny would be so proud.  And believe me… Mistletoe hung there, gets the best kisses ever! 

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  • And last but certainly not least… This is true for Santa, but certainly do not ask Mrs. Claus this question! She’s a prude and is liable to deny you presents for life. She has Santa by a ball, and I heard Bad Penny has the other one.  
  • In conclusion… Exercise a month prior to the holidays, and you should buy new running shoes.  When all else fails, the Internet is for Porn! Don’t be an ungrateful bitch/bastard, and have kinky office sex.  Christmas is your traditions and yours to make it what you want. Don’t let someone tell you where to hang your Mistletoe!

LittleMissNotoriety Advice Column 11-18-12 #ASMSG

Advice Column Every 3rd Sunday of the month at 8:30pmCST

Dear Little Miss Notoriety,

I’ve been trying to get my boyfriend to be more fun in the bedroom. I’ve suggested lots of things, but he thinks I’m weird. I like being spanked, especially in public, but I love him. What should I do?

Love and light,

Spanking Delight

Hello Spanking Delight,

I love your sign off, that’s so cute.

Now… being dominated and spanked doesn’t make you weird, dear. Perhaps, your approach in explaining it came off a bit odd?

First…Try not to have the discussion when you’re about to have sex. It will kill the mood. If you talk about it before, then there’ll be no added pressure on how he should be doing it. You get all the formalities out-of-the-way, and then the fun begins.

Second…Have you explained the sexual arousal you get from the fantasies you have about him spanking you?

Be sure to explain the fantasy in detail, leaving nothing out. And include how you imagine his dominance over powering you, and the hot red hand-prints he’ll leave behind. That usually turns them on way faster than telling them what to do, darlin’.

Not everyone can be Little Miss Notoriety, the Princess of Doom and fuck doll every girl wishes to be, but I don’t mind sharing all my deep, dark dirty secrets! In fact …

Here’s one on me…

Make sure to tell him how much the idea of spanking in a public place turns you on, but here’s the kicker…

Make sure you are out somewhere nice for dinner, make it a Tuesday or a Wednesday.(Normally slower nights for restaurants.) You should look stunning, and revealing in whatever YOU feel the sexiest in, and don’t wear panties.

Ask for a table somewhere secluded, you should probably set this up ahead of time, if possible.

Once you’re seated and have ordered drinks, start giving him details quietly, while lightly coaxing your hand up his thigh. Pour on the charm and wit along with just how turned on the idea makes you, until the waitress/waiter returns.

Once you have ordered…

Tell you boyfriend how naughty it makes you feel to think of him bending you over that table right there in-front of everyone. This might be a good time to lick your lips, or wink if that’s your gig.

Tell him how it turns you on when you think about his hand leaving your bare-ass blistered good.

Yes! This is where you reveal you’re panty-less.

You’ll have him hook-line-and sinker!

By now the food has come, and that’s not all he’s thinking about cumming!

95% accurate you’ll be spanked daily if you wish!

I ❤ you for writing to me. Hope my advice helps.

Love and Licks,

Little Miss Notoriety

Dear Belle,

I feel so weird writing to an imaginary person, but maybe that’s also what made it easy to hit send.

Sorry.

I’m a submissive male that has been in search of the perfect woman for years. Maybe I need to lower my standards because I keep missing the mark terribly.

Every woman I find is a gold digging whore. They just wants me for my money, and my pussy eating skills. Don’t get me wrong, I like licking pussy, and I like spending money on my lady friend, but…I must draw the line when they want me to pay for their rent, right?

I’m not ugly, I enclosed a clothed picture of me. And I’m not rude, or else I would have sent a nude. And I just want to pamper a woman for the rest of my life. I know I sound pathetic, but really am I asking too much?

Desperate at 29

Dear Desperate at 29,

First get up from your computer chair, and go put on your big boy panties— Right now!

FUCK!

You’re a submissive, not a doormat. You’re allowed to have opinions, and you’re allowed to be funny, charming, and witty. You’re also allowed to be a doormat, I guess if that is what you’d like to do with the rest of your life.

Now, that you have your big boy panties on, let’s talk business…

You’re a very attractive man, I’d do you in a heartbeat. I think perhaps you’re projecting what you need/want in the wrong fashion.

Like you sound totally desperate, and you’ve no reason to sound that way! I just said I’d do you, that’s a HUGE compliment.

So…here’s my advice…

Get on the net. Find common interest groups that meet in your local area. (Book clubs, stamp collecting, gamers…whatever your cup of tea.) I’m sending you outside the box of women that claim dominance.

Oh no!

Just Trust me…

Find a woman who seems put together, a woman who commands the room, a woman who demands attention, and flirt…but not overtly so, be casual.

You’ll most likely have to attend a few meetings if she really is a dominant woman. Find reasons to talk to her that are valid. Tell her how nice she looks, etc.

Don’t just tell her word for word verbatim what I’m saying, that’ll never work. You have to find out how to do it in your style, and with no desperate flair signals flying. IE: don’t talk about how rich you are, and don’t tell her you like to eat pussy!

Ask her what movies she’s seen recently or a concert she attended. You’ll give her a chance to respond, and then continue talking about her, keep probing her for casual likes and dislikes.

By now, you should have seen her at least three times, and should know her favored foods, musics, and you definitely should’ve imagined her with her clothes off by now.

It’s the time to ask her for her number, or to ask her out— either way, take it slow, and learn the woman, and let her learn you.

This is just one approach, but my point is this…

Take your time, don’t rush things. Even in the realm of those that have claimed they are dominant, we rush things too quickly. We are reading to jump head first because she/he has similar sexual interests.

What happens when sex is all you have?

I know easier said than done, but you have waited this long…what’s a few more weeks, right?

I promise things will work out much better when you practice patience. It’s a virtue I lack, so good luck with that.

Love and licks,

Little Miss Notoriety