Christmas Eve Special Edition of Little Miss Notoriety’s Advice Column #ASMSG #Holidays #Advice #Christmas

  • Happy Holidays you lovely creatures. I hope you’re having a most scrumptious Christmas Eve. Thank you for joining me for this special edition of my advice column.  Tonight is all about how to survive your family during the Holiday Season… Ready? Get set? Go…

advice fail-owned-evacuation-fail

  • This advice can be used for so many thing during the holiday season… Let’s start with- if your mother asks you to look at the corn on her little toe. Run… fast and hard.  When your mother’s brother’s uncle tries to pry into your love life, because he’s a miserable drunk that can’t get laid. Run… and HIDE. He knows where you live.  When the 2 almost 3-year-old has pooped in his pants, because his parents won’t potty train him, but they didn’t want to hear the lecture of  “why is your kid still in diapers?” Run… before they ask you to help!  And last but certainly not least… When your lovely grandfather pulls out his false teeth and says. “Oh hunny bring me that glass.” Pretend you didn’t hear, and RUN!   I wish I had been given this advice.

Advice Insane

  • First you have twitter and in 140 characters or less you can have a rant over why you hate your family.  Then you have blogs like this, where you can express all that hatred through poetry, prose, or photos.  And last but not least… you got PORN! The internet is for Porn… The Internet is for Porn – Sesame Street Style! – YouTube

Advice Funny-Christmas-Someecards-2012

  • Right… well I’m not posting what I got myself, but I did purchase myself some fabulously naughty gifts and so did Joseph. I can’t wait to get back home to that pole!
  • So… that statement is true for giving as well as getting. Take my advice- Don’t be a spoiled rotten brat. If your 80-year-old granny gives you a pair of socks with cats on them, you put them bitches on and wear them like they are stylish! Don’t you hurt that woman’s feelings, or I will come and snatch you up and beat the tar out of you. And not in a fun spanky kinda way. Ask Bruce the Butcher what happens when you cross Little Miss Notoriety!
  • Mingle with your co-workers, it’s the only way to find out the dirt.  That is, if you’d like your pick of whom to fuck in town like me.
  • You get nothing, when you ask for nothing.  Remember this for future reference.  Nothing is just going to be handed over… Well unless you’re me, and then life just seems to keep overflowing with loveliness. Fuckdoll by day, and Dominatrix by night, I have the perfect life.

Advice Funny-Holiday-Cards

  • I  disagree.  Mistletoe should be hung with care, no matter where. Hah, I rhymed, Penny would be so proud.  And believe me… Mistletoe hung there, gets the best kisses ever! 

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  • And last but certainly not least… This is true for Santa, but certainly do not ask Mrs. Claus this question! She’s a prude and is liable to deny you presents for life. She has Santa by a ball, and I heard Bad Penny has the other one.  
  • In conclusion… Exercise a month prior to the holidays, and you should buy new running shoes.  When all else fails, the Internet is for Porn! Don’t be an ungrateful bitch/bastard, and have kinky office sex.  Christmas is your traditions and yours to make it what you want. Don’t let someone tell you where to hang your Mistletoe!

P.S. I’m Jill #ASMSG #Poetry

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P.S. I’m Jill

by Penelope Jones

 

I slept last night for the first time in ages
I dreamt of you keeping me locked away in cages

 

You seemed to be a Jack-of-all trades
And knew just how these things were made

 

One for when I’ve been a good little girl
You built it to make me feel safe and secure

 

And one for when I’ve been super naughty
I get the black lock, when I’ve been snotty

 

The black one makes me so sad
But I know you wouldn’t do it
if I hadn’t been bad.

 

I have way more fun behind the shiny-silver lock
that means I will get to feel your cock

 

Inside my mouth or shoved through my slit
I know you’ll use the Hitachi on my clit

 

When it’s all said and done
You will have cum

 

And Jill will cum soon after.
P.S. I’m Jill

 

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

Copyright 2013

Because of You #Poetry #Relationships #ASMSG #Love

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Dreams can come true

Life can be a cabaret, ole chum

And it’s…

 

Because of you

 

The sun shines a little brighter

I appreciate the morning dew

I stop to smell the flowers

And my heart beats anew

 

Because of you

 

I look at my future in a different light

Brightness for miles around

My imagination takes flight

 

Because of you

 

Tomorrow is always a brighter day

My dreams have come true

And like I said it’s…

 

Because of you

And Together … #Poetry #Relationships #ASMSG

messedup

I’m a planner

I use my manners

 

I wear my southern-girl bannerproudly

I’m an organizer

a prioritize-r

a synchronize-r of my crazy life

 

Good luck

Day sucks

My life’s amok

 

Let’s fuck!

 

Don’t you see

Life can be

An adventure with me

 

Tight wire

I’m on fire

I’m a crier

Take me higher

 

Life’s a mess

I must confess

It’s the stress

…please caress

 

We can’t put life on hold

Let’s dare to be bold

breaking the mold

 

That society created

It’s now alleviated

No longer infiltrated … into our lives

 

The time has arrived

no more demise

let’s arise

compromise

and claim our prize

 

We can

You be the man

I’ll help you plan

 

And together … We’ll conquer the world.

Penelope Jones copyright 2013

I’m Horny #Poetry #ASMSG #Love #Bdsm

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You said it was the stripey socks

Now… I wear a collar that locks

It didn’t take you long to decide

That you must have me as your prize

There was a long list of things that I hadn’t tried

You said that strappy thing wouldn’t hurt, you lied

One by one, we ticked items off that list

Number 12 left us both pissed

My holes weren’t ready for what you had in mind

And especially not my behind

That was a year ago, and now my list wasn’t quite so long

No longer does your hand look like that of King Kong’s

And inside your dungeon we make the greatest songs

Of lust, love, desire, and need

You always take the lead

Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Now, it’s time for me to do my part…

You’re wish is my command

I want to do as you demand

You’re my life, my love, my everything

From the top of the tower I will sing

I’m your property to do with as you please

Where you end, I seize

You’re all I need

Do you feel loved yet?

I’m horny!

always tomorrow #SinfulSunday #Poetry #ASMSG

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always tomorrow

by Penelope Jones

sometimes i’m so small

i won’t continue one more day

reaching for the stars.

sometimes i’m so lost

i can’t take one more step

towards the future.

sometimes i’m so broken

getting out of the wrong-side

of the bed seems right.

and

sometimes

i take a leap,

a leap of faith

hoping

wishing

praying

i’ll land on my feet.

and sometimes, i won’t.

but…

always… i pick myself up,

brush myself off, and

shine a little brighter tomorrow.

Christmas Wishes to my lovelies! #ASMSG #NaughtyList #Dec

christmas girl

 

  • I hope your wishes come true, your buns stay warm, and everyone that wants or deserves a spanking gets one. Remember being on the naughty list isn’t a bad thing anymore. -giggles-