Christmas Eve Special Edition of Little Miss Notoriety’s Advice Column #ASMSG #Holidays #Advice #Christmas

  • Happy Holidays you lovely creatures. I hope you’re having a most scrumptious Christmas Eve. Thank you for joining me for this special edition of my advice column.  Tonight is all about how to survive your family during the Holiday Season… Ready? Get set? Go…

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  • This advice can be used for so many thing during the holiday season… Let’s start with- if your mother asks you to look at the corn on her little toe. Run… fast and hard.  When your mother’s brother’s uncle tries to pry into your love life, because he’s a miserable drunk that can’t get laid. Run… and HIDE. He knows where you live.  When the 2 almost 3-year-old has pooped in his pants, because his parents won’t potty train him, but they didn’t want to hear the lecture of  “why is your kid still in diapers?” Run… before they ask you to help!  And last but certainly not least… When your lovely grandfather pulls out his false teeth and says. “Oh hunny bring me that glass.” Pretend you didn’t hear, and RUN!   I wish I had been given this advice.

Advice Insane

  • First you have twitter and in 140 characters or less you can have a rant over why you hate your family.  Then you have blogs like this, where you can express all that hatred through poetry, prose, or photos.  And last but not least… you got PORN! The internet is for Porn… The Internet is for Porn – Sesame Street Style! – YouTube

Advice Funny-Christmas-Someecards-2012

  • Right… well I’m not posting what I got myself, but I did purchase myself some fabulously naughty gifts and so did Joseph. I can’t wait to get back home to that pole!
  • So… that statement is true for giving as well as getting. Take my advice- Don’t be a spoiled rotten brat. If your 80-year-old granny gives you a pair of socks with cats on them, you put them bitches on and wear them like they are stylish! Don’t you hurt that woman’s feelings, or I will come and snatch you up and beat the tar out of you. And not in a fun spanky kinda way. Ask Bruce the Butcher what happens when you cross Little Miss Notoriety!
  • Mingle with your co-workers, it’s the only way to find out the dirt.  That is, if you’d like your pick of whom to fuck in town like me.
  • You get nothing, when you ask for nothing.  Remember this for future reference.  Nothing is just going to be handed over… Well unless you’re me, and then life just seems to keep overflowing with loveliness. Fuckdoll by day, and Dominatrix by night, I have the perfect life.

Advice Funny-Holiday-Cards

  • I  disagree.  Mistletoe should be hung with care, no matter where. Hah, I rhymed, Penny would be so proud.  And believe me… Mistletoe hung there, gets the best kisses ever! 

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  • And last but certainly not least… This is true for Santa, but certainly do not ask Mrs. Claus this question! She’s a prude and is liable to deny you presents for life. She has Santa by a ball, and I heard Bad Penny has the other one.  
  • In conclusion… Exercise a month prior to the holidays, and you should buy new running shoes.  When all else fails, the Internet is for Porn! Don’t be an ungrateful bitch/bastard, and have kinky office sex.  Christmas is your traditions and yours to make it what you want. Don’t let someone tell you where to hang your Mistletoe!

P.S. I’m Jill #ASMSG #Poetry

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P.S. I’m Jill

by Penelope Jones

 

I slept last night for the first time in ages
I dreamt of you keeping me locked away in cages

 

You seemed to be a Jack-of-all trades
And knew just how these things were made

 

One for when I’ve been a good little girl
You built it to make me feel safe and secure

 

And one for when I’ve been super naughty
I get the black lock, when I’ve been snotty

 

The black one makes me so sad
But I know you wouldn’t do it
if I hadn’t been bad.

 

I have way more fun behind the shiny-silver lock
that means I will get to feel your cock

 

Inside my mouth or shoved through my slit
I know you’ll use the Hitachi on my clit

 

When it’s all said and done
You will have cum

 

And Jill will cum soon after.
P.S. I’m Jill

 

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

Copyright 2013

Because of You #Poetry #Relationships #ASMSG #Love

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.

Dreams can come true

Life can be a cabaret, ole chum

And it’s…

 

Because of you

 

The sun shines a little brighter

I appreciate the morning dew

I stop to smell the flowers

And my heart beats anew

 

Because of you

 

I look at my future in a different light

Brightness for miles around

My imagination takes flight

 

Because of you

 

Tomorrow is always a brighter day

My dreams have come true

And like I said it’s…

 

Because of you

I Guess We Will See… #OCT #Poetry #Poem #ASMSG

stairsoflife

The doorway to everywhere

I sat and stared

Do I dare?

Does he really care?

~*~

Or the stairway to the unknown?

I’d reap what I’ve sewn,

And I’d do it alone…

~*~

I called him on the phone

~*~

“I’m ready to do this.” I said.

“Have you lost your head?”

 ~*~

I smiled just a little

I was about to piddle…

myself.

~*~

I took a leap of faith with just a call

I agreed to be his ragdoll

~*~

Used and abused as he saw fit

Spanked until I couldn’t sit

~*~

I was willing to try everything on his list

even the piss…

Twice,

It was nice

~*~

I’m not sure he was ready for a girl like me

I guess we’ll see…

Make Me Your Wife #OCT #Poetry #ASMSG

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I was on my knees just as you deemed My cheek met wood, and your feet did gleam

Over and under my lips did caress
Your toes were my last destination and my tongue had found flesh

Each foot bathed and carefully tended
Hoping you’re no longer deeply offended

My back arched when strong fingers stroked my ass
Knowing I was completely forgiven at last

I heard your voice brush past my ear
Leaving me breathless, but without fear

You told me I was your princess, told me I was your whore
You knew it would touch me down to my slave core

I’d been waiting for you my entire life
Please don’t stop; make me your wife!

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

NEW Release! Come along for the Adventures of Little Miss Notoriety #ASMSG #Erotica #BDSM

Good morning my lovelies… 

 

I figured you were sick of my tagline- “It’s here, it’s here!”  But IT’S HERE!

 

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Belle Notoriety might be Joe Switzer’s fuck doll, but the rest of Shagville Heights bows to her.  Watch out… she’ll get into your head, and you won’t be able to resist confessing your dirty little secrets. Come along for the Adventures of Little Miss Notoriety. and see just who becomes whose sex toy!

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A HUGE thank you to PJ Perryman; Little Miss Notoriety started with a superb idea from her and has taken off to become what it is now! You’re the best!!!

 

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996! 

copyright 2013