Happy Holidays you lovely creatures. I hope you’re having a most scrumptious Christmas Eve. Thank you for joining me for this special edition of my advice column. Tonight is all about how to survive your family during the Holiday Season… Ready? Get set? Go…
This advice can be used for so many thing during the holiday season… Let’s start with- if your mother asks you to look at the corn on her little toe. Run… fast and hard. When your mother’s brother’s uncle tries to pry into your love life, because he’s a miserable drunk that can’t get laid. Run… and HIDE. He knows where you live. When the 2 almost 3-year-old has pooped in his pants, because his parents won’t potty train him, but they didn’t want to hear the lecture of “why is your kid still in diapers?” Run… before they ask you to help! And last but certainly not least… When your lovely grandfather pulls out his false teeth and says. “Oh hunny bring me that glass.” Pretend you didn’t hear, and RUN! I wish I had been given this advice.
First you have twitter and in 140 characters or less you can have a rant over why you hate your family. Then you have blogs like this, where you can express all that hatred through poetry, prose, or photos. And last but not least… you got PORN! The internet is for Porn… The Internet is for Porn – Sesame Street Style! – YouTube
Right… well I’m not posting what I got myself, but I did purchase myself some fabulously naughty gifts and so did Joseph. I can’t wait to get back home to that pole!
So… that statement is true for giving as well as getting. Take my advice- Don’t be a spoiled rotten brat. If your 80-year-old granny gives you a pair of socks with cats on them, you put them bitches on and wear them like they are stylish! Don’t you hurt that woman’s feelings, or I will come and snatch you up and beat the tar out of you. And not in a fun spanky kinda way. Ask Bruce the Butcher what happens when you cross Little Miss Notoriety!
Mingle with your co-workers, it’s the only way to find out the dirt. That is, if you’d like your pick of whom to fuck in town like me.
You get nothing, when you ask for nothing. Remember this for future reference. Nothing is just going to be handed over… Well unless you’re me, and then life just seems to keep overflowing with loveliness. Fuckdoll by day, and Dominatrix by night, I have the perfect life.
I disagree. Mistletoe should be hung with care, no matter where. Hah, I rhymed, Penny would be so proud. And believe me… Mistletoe hung there, gets the best kisses ever!
And last but certainly not least… This is true for Santa, but certainly do not ask Mrs. Claus this question! She’s a prude and is liable to deny you presents for life. She has Santa by a ball, and I heard Bad Penny has the other one.
In conclusion… Exercise a month prior to the holidays, and you should buy new running shoes. When all else fails, the Internet is for Porn! Don’t be an ungrateful bitch/bastard, and have kinky office sex. Christmas is your traditions and yours to make it what you want. Don’t let someone tell you where to hang your Mistletoe!
Hello my lovelies… I hope you’re all having an amazing Christmas Eve. A promised, here’s a little glimpse into my world this year at Christmas time…
So … my tree represents so many different facets of me, from my love of pink, to the oddities, and shoes. I have a little of everything when it comes to decorations…
A frog because she’s cute and her legs wiggle. 🙂
Absolutely… And any man who disagrees will be single for the rest of his life. (Helpful Tip # 789)
Hah. This is my newest ornament, and I am the glitter princess. And p.s. my glitter has secret ninja powers. -winks-
A sock-monkey, because it’s a fucking sock-monkey and it’s awesome! It’s also pink, and it makes my bestie completely traumatized. 🙂 Evil begets evil… remember. -winks-
I love new shoes, socks, and clothes, but the truth is I’m not really materialistic. Love, guidance, and a firm hand is really what I need. 😉 And then he can buy me shoes, socks, and clothing. -giggles madly-
A little glimpse into my Christmas Compound of kinkery. (above and below) A small but mighty village. -grins-
2-3 miles walk/run with a day of uphill, everyday but Monday.
Hah, I didn’t take Monday off, but I did take Friday and Saturday off, and then thought I broke my toe on Sunday. It turns out, it was jammed, and it’s been un-jammed. It wasn’t a fun process, and my toe is bruised, but I did workout! Uphill at a slower pace works just as well as running for calorie burning! 😛
Nightly routines of ab/butt work 4 nights, but I’m shooting for 5. 🙂
Shooting for 5 was a pipe dream, but I did succeed with the 4 night!s Yippy!
My work in progress, liking my body… Still working on it. haha
I like it more this week than last. It’s progress…and progress is good! 🙂
My deficit spanks. I’m going to find out if I still owe some or not. Yes it’s my goal. He’s super busy, so I’m thankful he took time to help me with these tasks.
I ‘m gonna be honest I never did ask, but he told me last night that he forgot to inform me that once I was in the deficit I never really get out, and that my two missed nights this past week were just tacked on. Hrmph!!!
I used to tell people fat girls only sweat to save their lives and for fucking/playing! Well let me tell you, this former fat girl did it to save my life. My body cried mercy long enough. I’m using the image above to achieve my goals this week, except I’m a princess and don’t you forget it!
2/3 miles uphill until I can run again 5 days… not gonna kill my poor toes. 🙂
Nightly abs/bum workout. Let me just say my bum’s coming along quite nicely maybe I’ll like it enough to show you. Clothed of course. Perverts!
Eat regularly. I was doing so well with my six small meals a day, now I’m lucky to get in three small ones. Just too much on my plate during the holiday season.
Investigate further into this deficit spankings. I was so shocked to hear the rule change mid-game, I forgot to ask questions. I’m over my O-M-G moment, and I’m gonna ask those questions this week. -laughs- It’s not really punishment per se anymore… so maybe it was the fact he wanted to spank me again, that I lost my head. LOL
P.S. I’m thinking it’s all those butt lunges I’m doing, makes my ass quite spankable. Just sayin…