Christmas Eve Special Edition of Little Miss Notoriety’s Advice Column #ASMSG #Holidays #Advice #Christmas

  • Happy Holidays you lovely creatures. I hope you’re having a most scrumptious Christmas Eve. Thank you for joining me for this special edition of my advice column.  Tonight is all about how to survive your family during the Holiday Season… Ready? Get set? Go…

advice fail-owned-evacuation-fail

  • This advice can be used for so many thing during the holiday season… Let’s start with- if your mother asks you to look at the corn on her little toe. Run… fast and hard.  When your mother’s brother’s uncle tries to pry into your love life, because he’s a miserable drunk that can’t get laid. Run… and HIDE. He knows where you live.  When the 2 almost 3-year-old has pooped in his pants, because his parents won’t potty train him, but they didn’t want to hear the lecture of  “why is your kid still in diapers?” Run… before they ask you to help!  And last but certainly not least… When your lovely grandfather pulls out his false teeth and says. “Oh hunny bring me that glass.” Pretend you didn’t hear, and RUN!   I wish I had been given this advice.

Advice Insane

  • First you have twitter and in 140 characters or less you can have a rant over why you hate your family.  Then you have blogs like this, where you can express all that hatred through poetry, prose, or photos.  And last but not least… you got PORN! The internet is for Porn… The Internet is for Porn – Sesame Street Style! – YouTube

Advice Funny-Christmas-Someecards-2012

  • Right… well I’m not posting what I got myself, but I did purchase myself some fabulously naughty gifts and so did Joseph. I can’t wait to get back home to that pole!
  • So… that statement is true for giving as well as getting. Take my advice- Don’t be a spoiled rotten brat. If your 80-year-old granny gives you a pair of socks with cats on them, you put them bitches on and wear them like they are stylish! Don’t you hurt that woman’s feelings, or I will come and snatch you up and beat the tar out of you. And not in a fun spanky kinda way. Ask Bruce the Butcher what happens when you cross Little Miss Notoriety!
  • Mingle with your co-workers, it’s the only way to find out the dirt.  That is, if you’d like your pick of whom to fuck in town like me.
  • You get nothing, when you ask for nothing.  Remember this for future reference.  Nothing is just going to be handed over… Well unless you’re me, and then life just seems to keep overflowing with loveliness. Fuckdoll by day, and Dominatrix by night, I have the perfect life.

Advice Funny-Holiday-Cards

  • I  disagree.  Mistletoe should be hung with care, no matter where. Hah, I rhymed, Penny would be so proud.  And believe me… Mistletoe hung there, gets the best kisses ever! 

Advice 8148724042_bc11eb6c05_n

  • And last but certainly not least… This is true for Santa, but certainly do not ask Mrs. Claus this question! She’s a prude and is liable to deny you presents for life. She has Santa by a ball, and I heard Bad Penny has the other one.  
  • In conclusion… Exercise a month prior to the holidays, and you should buy new running shoes.  When all else fails, the Internet is for Porn! Don’t be an ungrateful bitch/bastard, and have kinky office sex.  Christmas is your traditions and yours to make it what you want. Don’t let someone tell you where to hang your Mistletoe!

P.S. I’m Jill #ASMSG #Poetry

20130830-120858.jpg

P.S. I’m Jill

by Penelope Jones

 

I slept last night for the first time in ages
I dreamt of you keeping me locked away in cages

 

You seemed to be a Jack-of-all trades
And knew just how these things were made

 

One for when I’ve been a good little girl
You built it to make me feel safe and secure

 

And one for when I’ve been super naughty
I get the black lock, when I’ve been snotty

 

The black one makes me so sad
But I know you wouldn’t do it
if I hadn’t been bad.

 

I have way more fun behind the shiny-silver lock
that means I will get to feel your cock

 

Inside my mouth or shoved through my slit
I know you’ll use the Hitachi on my clit

 

When it’s all said and done
You will have cum

 

And Jill will cum soon after.
P.S. I’m Jill

 

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

Copyright 2013

And Together … #Poetry #Relationships #ASMSG

messedup

I’m a planner

I use my manners

 

I wear my southern-girl bannerproudly

I’m an organizer

a prioritize-r

a synchronize-r of my crazy life

 

Good luck

Day sucks

My life’s amok

 

Let’s fuck!

 

Don’t you see

Life can be

An adventure with me

 

Tight wire

I’m on fire

I’m a crier

Take me higher

 

Life’s a mess

I must confess

It’s the stress

…please caress

 

We can’t put life on hold

Let’s dare to be bold

breaking the mold

 

That society created

It’s now alleviated

No longer infiltrated … into our lives

 

The time has arrived

no more demise

let’s arise

compromise

and claim our prize

 

We can

You be the man

I’ll help you plan

 

And together … We’ll conquer the world.

Penelope Jones copyright 2013

Words #Poemup #ASMSG

20130828-083941.jpg

Words

Hurt worse than any slap across the face

They dig deep inside your soul, and twist your mind

and leave you helpless

Words

Peek your interests, and you seek truth

They waft over your senses from every corner and

you need more

Words

Make the world go ’round

They drive business deals, seal love letters, and

you can’t live without them

Words

Brush off the dust of every day life

Bring to light the good, the bad, and

the ugly truths

Words

The way to someone’s heart, mind, and soul

Hushed tones brushing across your ear, drawing you in,

and making you safe

Words

Have the ability to pick you up on the worst day,

or cause your heart to shatter into a million pieces, and

you realize the clout they hold.

One word has the power to change it all…

Words!

20130828-084003.jpg

Penelope Jones- Copyright 2013

F*R*E*E Just for you my lovelies! #ASMSG #Erotica #vampire #BYNR

Hello my lovelies… 

 

I wanted to show you my appreciation for just being the awesome…so until #Amazon decides otherwise… The Exception: an eternal kiss is #Free #Erotica just for you!!!

 

TheExceptionBC1

Lovers you longtime!

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

Night after Night #Poetry #Erotica #BDSM

20130816-052924.jpg

 
It always starts out with tantalizing foreplay

Like a smoldering tease of summer in the month of may

 

Fingers tips weaving with a feather-light touch

Leaving me yearning, and burning like that night we went dutch

 

Acceleration of your lips that brushed and kissed over my skin

All the while, you the wolf were luring me to your den

 

Persuasion was a strong suit for you, but so was your tongue

From the tops of my lungs your praises were sung

 

That was just the appetizer, of course you had more

You made me orgasm, over and over down to my core

 

Now, it was your turn, and your dominance demands

My body twists and turns and flips as you gave commands

 

Your shaft plunging deeper and faster as you grunt and groan

My body reacting, contracting, and greeting you with every moan

 

Your breaths hot and caressing the shell of my ear

As you continue to thrust until orgasmic bliss draws near

 

Together we rock, and we roll with the force of our intimacy

The air stank of sex, and our screams were pure ecstasy

 

Into a heap we collapsed, your arms holding me tight

That’s the way it should be, night after night

Penelope Jones Copyright 2013

NEW Release! Come along for the Adventures of Little Miss Notoriety #ASMSG #Erotica #BDSM

Good morning my lovelies… 

 

I figured you were sick of my tagline- “It’s here, it’s here!”  But IT’S HERE!

 

LMN graphic

 

Belle Notoriety might be Joe Switzer’s fuck doll, but the rest of Shagville Heights bows to her.  Watch out… she’ll get into your head, and you won’t be able to resist confessing your dirty little secrets. Come along for the Adventures of Little Miss Notoriety. and see just who becomes whose sex toy!

girlswhotease

 

 

Adventures of Little Miss Notoriety Buy Links:

US  http://bit.ly/A-LMN

UK  http://bit.ly/LMN-UK

CA  http://bit.ly/LMN-CA

 

A HUGE thank you to PJ Perryman; Little Miss Notoriety started with a superb idea from her and has taken off to become what it is now! You’re the best!!!

 

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996! 

copyright 2013