Christmas Eve Special Edition of Little Miss Notoriety’s Advice Column #ASMSG #Holidays #Advice #Christmas

  • Happy Holidays you lovely creatures. I hope you’re having a most scrumptious Christmas Eve. Thank you for joining me for this special edition of my advice column.  Tonight is all about how to survive your family during the Holiday Season… Ready? Get set? Go…

advice fail-owned-evacuation-fail

  • This advice can be used for so many thing during the holiday season… Let’s start with- if your mother asks you to look at the corn on her little toe. Run… fast and hard.  When your mother’s brother’s uncle tries to pry into your love life, because he’s a miserable drunk that can’t get laid. Run… and HIDE. He knows where you live.  When the 2 almost 3-year-old has pooped in his pants, because his parents won’t potty train him, but they didn’t want to hear the lecture of  “why is your kid still in diapers?” Run… before they ask you to help!  And last but certainly not least… When your lovely grandfather pulls out his false teeth and says. “Oh hunny bring me that glass.” Pretend you didn’t hear, and RUN!   I wish I had been given this advice.

Advice Insane

  • First you have twitter and in 140 characters or less you can have a rant over why you hate your family.  Then you have blogs like this, where you can express all that hatred through poetry, prose, or photos.  And last but not least… you got PORN! The internet is for Porn… The Internet is for Porn – Sesame Street Style! – YouTube

Advice Funny-Christmas-Someecards-2012

  • Right… well I’m not posting what I got myself, but I did purchase myself some fabulously naughty gifts and so did Joseph. I can’t wait to get back home to that pole!
  • So… that statement is true for giving as well as getting. Take my advice- Don’t be a spoiled rotten brat. If your 80-year-old granny gives you a pair of socks with cats on them, you put them bitches on and wear them like they are stylish! Don’t you hurt that woman’s feelings, or I will come and snatch you up and beat the tar out of you. And not in a fun spanky kinda way. Ask Bruce the Butcher what happens when you cross Little Miss Notoriety!
  • Mingle with your co-workers, it’s the only way to find out the dirt.  That is, if you’d like your pick of whom to fuck in town like me.
  • You get nothing, when you ask for nothing.  Remember this for future reference.  Nothing is just going to be handed over… Well unless you’re me, and then life just seems to keep overflowing with loveliness. Fuckdoll by day, and Dominatrix by night, I have the perfect life.

Advice Funny-Holiday-Cards

  • I  disagree.  Mistletoe should be hung with care, no matter where. Hah, I rhymed, Penny would be so proud.  And believe me… Mistletoe hung there, gets the best kisses ever! 

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  • And last but certainly not least… This is true for Santa, but certainly do not ask Mrs. Claus this question! She’s a prude and is liable to deny you presents for life. She has Santa by a ball, and I heard Bad Penny has the other one.  
  • In conclusion… Exercise a month prior to the holidays, and you should buy new running shoes.  When all else fails, the Internet is for Porn! Don’t be an ungrateful bitch/bastard, and have kinky office sex.  Christmas is your traditions and yours to make it what you want. Don’t let someone tell you where to hang your Mistletoe!

Don’t Pollute My Life #Oct #Poetry #ASMSG #Relationships

 

What a tangled web we weave

When we practice to deceive…

 

Words to live by buddy

I found her panties in the study

 

What an idiot you are

I also found her lipstick in my car

 

What you failed to realize

It all could have been a prize

 

If only you had talked to me

Maybe we could still be

 

Opting to lie when the truth’s always better

Gets you a really lovely fuck-off letter

 

One that said…

 

How much you suck

How I don’t wish you luck

How I hope you get fucked…

 

Up the ass…you deserve it!

 

That’s really not true

If you only knew

 

The lies are what sealed your fate

We all three could have went on a date

 

But no, you had to think with your little head

That’s why our relationship’s dead

 

It’s why my heart aches,

Why my body shakes,

And my smiles fake

 

Lies for me are the bitter end

So before you hit send…

 

Give a Hoot!

Don’t Pollute…

 

My life

 

Penelope Jones Copyright 2013

I’m Horny #Poetry #ASMSG #Love #Bdsm

.

You said it was the stripey socks

Now… I wear a collar that locks

It didn’t take you long to decide

That you must have me as your prize

There was a long list of things that I hadn’t tried

You said that strappy thing wouldn’t hurt, you lied

One by one, we ticked items off that list

Number 12 left us both pissed

My holes weren’t ready for what you had in mind

And especially not my behind

That was a year ago, and now my list wasn’t quite so long

No longer does your hand look like that of King Kong’s

And inside your dungeon we make the greatest songs

Of lust, love, desire, and need

You always take the lead

Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Now, it’s time for me to do my part…

You’re wish is my command

I want to do as you demand

You’re my life, my love, my everything

From the top of the tower I will sing

I’m your property to do with as you please

Where you end, I seize

You’re all I need

Do you feel loved yet?

I’m horny!

Christmas Wishes to my lovelies! #ASMSG #NaughtyList #Dec

christmas girl

 

  • I hope your wishes come true, your buns stay warm, and everyone that wants or deserves a spanking gets one. Remember being on the naughty list isn’t a bad thing anymore. -giggles- 

You are now Forgiven, My Dear #Poetry #ASMSG #love #Dec

You said the papers were to be on your desk first thing

Except the phone gave a ring a ding-ding

My sister wanted to gossip about her ex-husband’s wife

I listened to her drone on about her horrible life

I didn’t hear you come in the back door

My hair was yanked, and my knees found the floor

My body’s hot with need for you to forgive

You playfully say you’ve decided to let me live

You teach me a lesson I’ll always remember

My ass is as red as the hottest ember

Your words whisper across the shell of my ear

“You are now forgiven, my dear.”

I Guess We Will See… #OCT #Poetry #Poem #ASMSG

stairsoflife

The doorway to everywhere

I sat and stared

Do I dare?

Does he really care?

~*~

Or the stairway to the unknown?

I’d reap what I’ve sewn,

And I’d do it alone…

~*~

I called him on the phone

~*~

“I’m ready to do this.” I said.

“Have you lost your head?”

 ~*~

I smiled just a little

I was about to piddle…

myself.

~*~

I took a leap of faith with just a call

I agreed to be his ragdoll

~*~

Used and abused as he saw fit

Spanked until I couldn’t sit

~*~

I was willing to try everything on his list

even the piss…

Twice,

It was nice

~*~

I’m not sure he was ready for a girl like me

I guess we’ll see…

Make Me Your Wife #OCT #Poetry #ASMSG

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I was on my knees just as you deemed My cheek met wood, and your feet did gleam

Over and under my lips did caress
Your toes were my last destination and my tongue had found flesh

Each foot bathed and carefully tended
Hoping you’re no longer deeply offended

My back arched when strong fingers stroked my ass
Knowing I was completely forgiven at last

I heard your voice brush past my ear
Leaving me breathless, but without fear

You told me I was your princess, told me I was your whore
You knew it would touch me down to my slave core

I’d been waiting for you my entire life
Please don’t stop; make me your wife!

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!