Christmas Eve Special Edition of Little Miss Notoriety’s Advice Column #ASMSG #Holidays #Advice #Christmas

  • Happy Holidays you lovely creatures. I hope you’re having a most scrumptious Christmas Eve. Thank you for joining me for this special edition of my advice column.  Tonight is all about how to survive your family during the Holiday Season… Ready? Get set? Go…

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  • This advice can be used for so many thing during the holiday season… Let’s start with- if your mother asks you to look at the corn on her little toe. Run… fast and hard.  When your mother’s brother’s uncle tries to pry into your love life, because he’s a miserable drunk that can’t get laid. Run… and HIDE. He knows where you live.  When the 2 almost 3-year-old has pooped in his pants, because his parents won’t potty train him, but they didn’t want to hear the lecture of  “why is your kid still in diapers?” Run… before they ask you to help!  And last but certainly not least… When your lovely grandfather pulls out his false teeth and says. “Oh hunny bring me that glass.” Pretend you didn’t hear, and RUN!   I wish I had been given this advice.

Advice Insane

  • First you have twitter and in 140 characters or less you can have a rant over why you hate your family.  Then you have blogs like this, where you can express all that hatred through poetry, prose, or photos.  And last but not least… you got PORN! The internet is for Porn… The Internet is for Porn – Sesame Street Style! – YouTube

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  • Right… well I’m not posting what I got myself, but I did purchase myself some fabulously naughty gifts and so did Joseph. I can’t wait to get back home to that pole!
  • So… that statement is true for giving as well as getting. Take my advice- Don’t be a spoiled rotten brat. If your 80-year-old granny gives you a pair of socks with cats on them, you put them bitches on and wear them like they are stylish! Don’t you hurt that woman’s feelings, or I will come and snatch you up and beat the tar out of you. And not in a fun spanky kinda way. Ask Bruce the Butcher what happens when you cross Little Miss Notoriety!
  • Mingle with your co-workers, it’s the only way to find out the dirt.  That is, if you’d like your pick of whom to fuck in town like me.
  • You get nothing, when you ask for nothing.  Remember this for future reference.  Nothing is just going to be handed over… Well unless you’re me, and then life just seems to keep overflowing with loveliness. Fuckdoll by day, and Dominatrix by night, I have the perfect life.

Advice Funny-Holiday-Cards

  • I  disagree.  Mistletoe should be hung with care, no matter where. Hah, I rhymed, Penny would be so proud.  And believe me… Mistletoe hung there, gets the best kisses ever! 

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  • And last but certainly not least… This is true for Santa, but certainly do not ask Mrs. Claus this question! She’s a prude and is liable to deny you presents for life. She has Santa by a ball, and I heard Bad Penny has the other one.  
  • In conclusion… Exercise a month prior to the holidays, and you should buy new running shoes.  When all else fails, the Internet is for Porn! Don’t be an ungrateful bitch/bastard, and have kinky office sex.  Christmas is your traditions and yours to make it what you want. Don’t let someone tell you where to hang your Mistletoe!

These are A Few of My Favorite Things… #ASMSG #FavoriteThings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • I love a good mindfucking before the real thing. :P

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  • I think I’ll genuinely always be bad, so there has to be someone to love the bad girls, right?

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  • Boots: I love licking them, humping them, and lots of things in between. :)

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  • Spank me, and I’m yours.

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  • I love when I’ve been a bad kitty, and I get put in the naughty corner. I’m telling you I could live there. -winks-

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  • It’s true, there are just those people who you know are gonna tie your insides up in knots, but you just can’t help but like them. I know a few of you. -giggles-

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  • One Day… I believe in it!

 

  • Thanks for playing along with A few of My Favorite Things. Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to share a few of your favorite things in the comment section if you’d like. :)

 

 

Not Hopeless…. Yet! #poetry #ASMSG #life

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I’m not sure which way is up
There’s no money in my cup

Today, tomorrow, next week
It’s tranquility I seek

Day, after day, after day
I’m hoping it’ll be OK

I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake
For heaven’s sake
Am I a fake?

I’m doubting myself at every turn
When will I learn?

It’s just me, myself, and I
It’s why…
(Sigh)
I cry….

Signed,
Not hopeless… yet

You should be ashamed #Poetry #BrokenHeart #ASMSG

I could live in luxury

I could live like the poor

As long as you were there,

I never needed more

.

I tried to give you everything

I tried opening up my heart

Once you saw me raw and real

You were ready to depart

.

I told you I was a mess,

I told you my crazy had spoken

I told you I don’t come with a token…

Operation manual

.

Somehow I became the enemy of your universe

Everything I said was answered with a curse…

Of my existence

 .

I want to crawl back under the rock from which I came

My heart will never be the same

You are to blame…

And you should be ashamed

.

Penelope Jones copyright 2013

P.S. I’m Jill #ASMSG #Poetry

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P.S. I’m Jill

by Penelope Jones

 

I slept last night for the first time in ages
I dreamt of you keeping me locked away in cages

 

You seemed to be a Jack-of-all trades
And knew just how these things were made

 

One for when I’ve been a good little girl
You built it to make me feel safe and secure

 

And one for when I’ve been super naughty
I get the black lock, when I’ve been snotty

 

The black one makes me so sad
But I know you wouldn’t do it
if I hadn’t been bad.

 

I have way more fun behind the shiny-silver lock
that means I will get to feel your cock

 

Inside my mouth or shoved through my slit
I know you’ll use the Hitachi on my clit

 

When it’s all said and done
You will have cum

 

And Jill will cum soon after.
P.S. I’m Jill

 

Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

Copyright 2013