Your Rhythm gives My Rhythm a Boner #Poetry #ASMSG #PoetryWednesday

Two such very different views,

Yet you’re my muse


You think love is science and math

I think love guides you along life’s path


2+3 doesn’t equal five in the game of love

Something your logical mind can’t rise above


I think love is alive and well

You think love means a living hell


I don’t think love is hearts and romance

I think it’s a very intricate, yet tormenting dance

Made to enhance…





I want to wrap you in my version of love

I want to help you rise above


Love isn’t about sex or money

Or about how many times you call me bunny


It’s about the times I asked how your days was

The times you bought me a card just because


Love has a rhythm unique to its owner

Your rhythm gives my rhythm a boner


My heart lived in a dark place

Your heart crowded in my space


You happened without warning

It all started with, “Good morning.”


Love is written all over our faces,

And can be found in the strangest places…


Like the janitor’s closet.


Penelope Jones copyright 2013

Secrets by Penelope Jones #Poetry #ASMSG #erotica




by Penelope Jones

We all have them hidden deep inside

How easily they glide…


Off the tongue

A laundry list of secrets, I sung


“You make my juices seep”

“When you text my heart skips a beat”

“And my legs go weak”


“I like to be spanked until I cry”

“And yes, my dickhead father’s likely the reason why”


“I love the way sweat feels”

“I love wearing high heels”


“I have a fetish for knee socks”

“I’m also seeking a collar that locks”


Each secret opens up a new world to explore

Each word you spoke left me begging for more


You scare the hell out of me

Yet, determination is the key


I told you, “I don’t chase men”

You invited me to your den

Laid before me were your sins


Crops, whips, and paddles too

I knew you’d know just what to do


You tell me your secrets

And I’ll tell you mine

I hope you’re not just feeding me lines


By my own admission

Of my submission


You hold the keys to drive my life

You hold the power to cut me like a knife


All I can do is pray you won’t

That you don’t


Because you’re right


I’ll continue to share my truths

No matter how depraved or dark

We embark…


On a path of lust and need

Maybe we’ll succeed


Who knows what this journey has in store

I hope it’s dirty, delicious, and more


Because for the right man or woman…

I’m a whore! 



Copyright 2013  by Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

Christmas Eve Special Edition of Little Miss Notoriety’s Advice Column #ASMSG #Holidays #Advice #Christmas

  • Happy Holidays you lovely creatures. I hope you’re having a most scrumptious Christmas Eve. Thank you for joining me for this special edition of my advice column.  Tonight is all about how to survive your family during the Holiday Season… Ready? Get set? Go…

advice fail-owned-evacuation-fail

  • This advice can be used for so many thing during the holiday season… Let’s start with- if your mother asks you to look at the corn on her little toe. Run… fast and hard.  When your mother’s brother’s uncle tries to pry into your love life, because he’s a miserable drunk that can’t get laid. Run… and HIDE. He knows where you live.  When the 2 almost 3-year-old has pooped in his pants, because his parents won’t potty train him, but they didn’t want to hear the lecture of  “why is your kid still in diapers?” Run… before they ask you to help!  And last but certainly not least… When your lovely grandfather pulls out his false teeth and says. “Oh hunny bring me that glass.” Pretend you didn’t hear, and RUN!   I wish I had been given this advice.

Advice Insane

  • First you have twitter and in 140 characters or less you can have a rant over why you hate your family.  Then you have blogs like this, where you can express all that hatred through poetry, prose, or photos.  And last but not least… you got PORN! The internet is for Porn… The Internet is for Porn – Sesame Street Style! – YouTube

Advice Funny-Christmas-Someecards-2012

  • Right… well I’m not posting what I got myself, but I did purchase myself some fabulously naughty gifts and so did Joseph. I can’t wait to get back home to that pole!
  • So… that statement is true for giving as well as getting. Take my advice- Don’t be a spoiled rotten brat. If your 80-year-old granny gives you a pair of socks with cats on them, you put them bitches on and wear them like they are stylish! Don’t you hurt that woman’s feelings, or I will come and snatch you up and beat the tar out of you. And not in a fun spanky kinda way. Ask Bruce the Butcher what happens when you cross Little Miss Notoriety!
  • Mingle with your co-workers, it’s the only way to find out the dirt.  That is, if you’d like your pick of whom to fuck in town like me.
  • You get nothing, when you ask for nothing.  Remember this for future reference.  Nothing is just going to be handed over… Well unless you’re me, and then life just seems to keep overflowing with loveliness. Fuckdoll by day, and Dominatrix by night, I have the perfect life.

Advice Funny-Holiday-Cards

  • I  disagree.  Mistletoe should be hung with care, no matter where. Hah, I rhymed, Penny would be so proud.  And believe me… Mistletoe hung there, gets the best kisses ever! 

Advice 8148724042_bc11eb6c05_n

  • And last but certainly not least… This is true for Santa, but certainly do not ask Mrs. Claus this question! She’s a prude and is liable to deny you presents for life. She has Santa by a ball, and I heard Bad Penny has the other one.  
  • In conclusion… Exercise a month prior to the holidays, and you should buy new running shoes.  When all else fails, the Internet is for Porn! Don’t be an ungrateful bitch/bastard, and have kinky office sex.  Christmas is your traditions and yours to make it what you want. Don’t let someone tell you where to hang your Mistletoe!

P.S. I’m Jill #ASMSG #Poetry


P.S. I’m Jill

by Penelope Jones


I slept last night for the first time in ages
I dreamt of you keeping me locked away in cages


You seemed to be a Jack-of-all trades
And knew just how these things were made


One for when I’ve been a good little girl
You built it to make me feel safe and secure


And one for when I’ve been super naughty
I get the black lock, when I’ve been snotty


The black one makes me so sad
But I know you wouldn’t do it
if I hadn’t been bad.


I have way more fun behind the shiny-silver lock
that means I will get to feel your cock


Inside my mouth or shoved through my slit
I know you’ll use the Hitachi on my clit


When it’s all said and done
You will have cum


And Jill will cum soon after.
P.S. I’m Jill


Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

Copyright 2013

Don’t Pollute My Life #Oct #Poetry #ASMSG #Relationships


What a tangled web we weave

When we practice to deceive…


Words to live by buddy

I found her panties in the study


What an idiot you are

I also found her lipstick in my car


What you failed to realize

It all could have been a prize


If only you had talked to me

Maybe we could still be


Opting to lie when the truth’s always better

Gets you a really lovely fuck-off letter


One that said…


How much you suck

How I don’t wish you luck

How I hope you get fucked…


Up the ass…you deserve it!


That’s really not true

If you only knew


The lies are what sealed your fate

We all three could have went on a date


But no, you had to think with your little head

That’s why our relationship’s dead


It’s why my heart aches,

Why my body shakes,

And my smiles fake


Lies for me are the bitter end

So before you hit send…


Give a Hoot!

Don’t Pollute…


My life


Penelope Jones Copyright 2013

Psst… I’m not a quitter #ASMSG #Poetry #Poem #Moanday


It’s morning and of course I’m thinking of you

I’m always thinking of you

Your wants, your desires fill my bed

Your needs, your worries roll around in my head


I want to take it all away

Tell you it’ll be OK…


But you’ll have none of that


You have been hurt and wronged

For love you have longed


You refuse to be vulnerable again

So you hide away in your den


You have a tongue as sharp as a sword

You use it against others when you’re bored


If I care too much

I’m fucked


So what!


You can’t chase me away

I always find a way


I know you’re trying

But I’m not buying


Psst… I’m not a quitter, thought you should know.

Penelope Jones copyright 2013

My Heart and Soul belong to You. #Poetry #Relationships #TrueLove #Love

I wake up thinking about you

I go to bed thinking about you

I pee and I think about you,

and even when I pooh… I’m still thinking about you.


Can you say you consume my days

I’m willing to bend to your ways.


Life is what we decide

Through troubles we’ll glide.


My heart and my soul belong to you, my love

I know you were sent from above.


Even when things aren’t aligned,

I still won’t mind.


Why you ask?

Because we have the kind of love that will last

Look at our past…

And tell me, what do you see?


Forgiveness wrapped in love,

Fitting us like a glove.


You didn’t re-enter my life to break my heart

We both have to do our part…

Here’s to a new start!


Let’s do it right this time, OK?


Penelope Jones- Spanking it since 1996!

Copyright 2014!